The Secrets of Dumbledore is convoluted by inconsequential plotlines and redundant characters. Alas, the material they had to work with was utter garbage. Too bad, too, because Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Dan Fogler and Mads Mikkelsen did a great job as actors. My advice is to skip this film completely. The more I think about it, the angrier I become, which is not really what I want or need. Magic is only used to show off, fight or destroy now. The magical world of wizards is now angry, political, divided and warlike, because that's what Americans are like, obliterating the elegant traditionalist Britishness of the books. The film is called Fantastic Beasts, but really it's just one and it doesn't do much except for the ending. So many things in the film not only not make sense, but contradict lore from the books. The movie uses a plot that purposefully makes no sense, built on a previous film that no one remembers and manages to cement Dumbledore as a manipulative asshole whose value for humanity is that he looks nice compared to the genocidal maniacs he fights against. This film is perfect, though, a total and complete mess, written by people who can never come up with more than an elevator pitch and the crave for a big payout. The Harry Potter books achieved so much success because a dedicated writer thought about the story for years and the result, imperfect as it was, became beloved by millions of people as the effort showed. Just as in "Crimes of Grindlewald," Grindlewald hardly committed any crimes, in "Secrets of Dumbledore," Dumbledore only has one secret, and it doesn't even have any bearing on the story. In fact, most of them are briefly shown and then forgotten about until the end of the movie. It's a story populated by husks of human beings, and none of them are even remotely relatable or understandable. Nobody learns anything, nobody does anything special, nobody even IS anything. You'll watch it and love it anyway." Lastly, this movie has ZERO character development. That was JK Rowling saying to her stupid mob of gullible fans, "Screw you. The writing is so insultingly idiotic that at one point in the film, when a character questions a plot point that doesn't make any sense, Dumbledore actually says "Let's call it fate," ignoring the question entirely. It's a story in which not a single plot point can withstand the slightest amount of logical scrutiny. They rely on people acting in ways that are so unfathomably stupid and are not in line with who they were shown to be earlier in these three movies. They rely on characters knowing things that they couldn't possibly have known. In fact, most of the things that happen in the movie don't make any sense. Even though the magic is creative, it's so inconsistent and so confusing in how it works that it's frustrating to watch rather than awe-inspiring. It's a two and a half hour movie that should be an hour long. The story just consist of characters wandering around and either chilling in the background or completing a task that has absolutely no bearing on the main conflict. 90% of the characters could be missing from the story, or replaced with planks of wood, and not a single thing of note would change. Just like the last movie, this has a screenplay that desperately tries to find reasons to keep these characters in the story, and it fails spectacularly. In fact, the best thing I can say about this "film" is that you can go to the bathroom during it without worrying about missing something there's hardly anything important to miss. It's sometimes funny and often creative, and it's an improvement over its predecessor by default, simply because rather than only 5% of the plot being consequential, about 30% of the plot is consequential.
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